There is another type of Guy. And this is the guy that I’m always seeming to go for. It is the Unavailable Guy. Now there are subcategories of the Unavailable Guy. There’s the obvious one, Emotionally Unavailable Guy, who always has an excuse as to why he can’t commit to a relationship. Someone in the past shattered him, his parents had a messy divorce, etc, etc.
Then there is the Physically Unavailable Guy. You meet someone, hit it off and low and behold, he doesn’t live here, but visits all the time, or semi-regularly, or he travels all the time for work, but wants to stay in contact because “you’re just awesome”.
Either way, Mr. Unavailable has trained himself, either consciously or subconsciously to only give a portion of himself, of the true awesome person is. Unavailable Guys are not Bad Boys, they’re just messed up guys. And no matter what you do, you cannot help them to become Available Guys. They will only become Available Guys when they feel it’s their time. But, these guys will continue to keep a hold on you because you make them feel good and special and cared about, even though they cannot give you the same in return.
Here’s the kicker though...women that are attracted to Unavailable Guy, aren't actually available either! When we habitually date men that are unavailable, it's because deep down, we don't want to put our heart completely on the line and when everything goes wrong, as it ultimately does with these Guys, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy.
If you know me, you know my history of relationships. Thankfully, it went from worse to slightly better and not the other way around....but still. Abusive first relationship that took YEARS to get rid of, followed by a doll of a man, who was regrettably more like a man-child. And all in between and around that was the ultimate Mr. Unavailable.
If you’ve watched Sex in the City...like all 6 seasons...I LITERALLY WAS CARRIE...with my very own MR. BIG...BUT...as we all know, it’s a t.v. show and life doesn’t end up with the guy saying “it’s always been you” at the end...just.doesn’t.happen. Lol.
I allowed myself to be in a 9 year off and on “relationship” with Mr. Unavailable. It was painful on the whole, but it was easier than putting myself out there to something real.
I’ve learned a lot about who I am, and who I want to be, over the past 2 years. I’ve kept people in my life because they are teaching me about myself, when others think I should let them go. I like that I am a forgiving and loving person. I don’t see it as being stepped on, or disrespected to continue to have friendships with people who have hurt me, yet molded and shaped me into the person I am today. These people do not get to continually hurt me though, let me be clear about that. I get to see my strength every day in the knowledge that I am a better person, and the people I have in my life also get to see my growth.
I’m ready to step out from all Mr. Unavailables and move into Nice Guy territory.
...my question then becomes, where do you find a nice guy?
