Enjoying the view

I have a beef I want to discuss.

Singledom.

Some women hear this word and cringe.  Especially at my age (33).  Not me, not now.  I have finally found happiness in my singledom.  I don't feel the need to be in a relationship, or really even be searching for one.  Sure I go out on dates, yes I talk to men, but this is not in the hopes of winding up in a relationship.

Now maybe I feel this way because I have been married.  Twice.  Yup...33 and been married twice.  Kinda feel like Ross from Friends with that one!  First time was young and stupid and knew before I even walked down the aisle that it was a disaster.  I really should have taken my fathers advice he was giving me as we were walking down the aisle and "run out and jump in the car that's waiting outside the door".  Seriously, that actually happened!  The second time, I found a man who was very good to me and my daughter.  He was a great father figure and loved her as if she was his own.  This was what held us together even though it was apparent we didn't have enough in common to make it last.  Number Two and I are still good friends who should have always been just that.  Friends.

Now I'm living in Singledom again.  It's cozy here!  I own my own home, car, have a stable job that I enjoy.  My daughter is happy and healthy and well cared for by me alone (well, with the exception of the emotional support provided by my parents)  I am at a point in my life where I realize I can do this on my own.  I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, or taken care of, or financially comfortable.  I don't have to "report" to anyone or have anyone "report" to me.  I can do what I want, when I want, without hurting anyone else's feelings.

My girlfriends, who are mostly all coupled up, married, engaged, common-law, are always saying "you're an awesome girl and you'll find someone soon", or "it's when you're not looking for it that love shows up".  Well my answer to these is "Yes!  I AM an awesome girl, and that's ENOUGH" or "No, I'm not looking, and I don't care if love shows up"

Even my daughter gets in on this and says "Mom, you need a boyfriend".  This coming from my 12 year old who has a 'non-boyfriend' (because I don't believe in elementary school kids being able to date).  I am trying to instill in my daughter that a girl doesn't NEED a boyfriend.  That I'm HAPPY on my own.  Yes, I'll go on dates, but no, they won't become a regular fixture in my day-to-day life.  I don't want her to think a woman is to be defined by the relationship she is in.

In the past, I have been the type who jumps into a relationship with both feet.  Sink or swim.  Usually I wound up drowning.  I don't want to drown anymore.  I really enjoy floating along MY lazy river and enjoying the view.

"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose." - Jo Courdert 

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them." - Sex in the City