Estelle set our intention to all of us being Superstars in class. No bad thoughts on how our practice was going, falling out or losing our breath. This was a challenging class for me. There were outside distractions tonight that kept me from being able to concentrate solely on my practice...so frustrating! I was all about "Okay Stephanie, just breathe. Doesn't matter what's going on around you, just stay with your practice. This is about you, and you are a Supa-stah!" *ode to SnL*
Upon leaving class tonight I got into a discussion with Estelle and my yogi-sisters about Eat Pray Love ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, and the idea of losing yourself in a man/relationship. I have done this a lot in my life. If you haven't read this book, I recommend it highly. I wanted to include two quotes...
"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."
. . . . . . . . . .
"If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."
In her story, Elizabeth Gilbert "finds herself" again and then finds love and is too scared of falling into her old patterns and losing herself again. Hers is a journey of realizing true balance. Do you relate to this story? Whether it be about love, your job, your children. Do you lose yourself in something and lose the balance in your life? I DO!
"When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."
I have been single for quite a long time now, and it was when I found yoga that I started feeling like I found myself, who I wanted to be and how I wanted to express myself and live my life. I have realized I like being alone. That alone doesn't mean lonliness. Yes there are bouts of lonliness, but that also is something I have learned to handle and be calm in.
Estelle says she met her hubby in a yoga class. Love found her when she was in her happy place. She didn't have to give up herself or her balance. And now a new baby bundle of joy is blessing her life!! I am so happy for you!!!
So I'm sure I could definitely get deeper into my issues regarding love, balance and the loss of self...but I'm not ready to delve that deep yet! Baby steps!! BUT!!!!
I AM A SUPA-STAH!!!!